It is so easy to let the little things go. I know they say "Don't sweat the small stuff..." but you can only take that so far. It's necessary to pay attention to some of the small things, saying thank you for example. It is amazing how powerful those two words can be. Show appreciation and show it big. What's better than a big hug or a kiss? The only thing to compliment those are a bit of participation. Show your spouse that you love them by doing something out of the ordinary...anything. Do a chore you don't usually work on, leave them a love note scrawled on whatever you have handy.
It all boils down to one thing... let the one you love know they are appreciated and when they do something for you, for the family, for the home, let them know that you appreciate it and how much it means to you.
I guarantee you will see a change.
Thursday, July 9, 2009
Wednesday, July 8, 2009
Separate Sheets
What a difference a small change can make...and with that said, we take credit for inducing a bit more calm into at least three relationship/marriages. How is that, you ask?
One of the biggest gripes I hear from friends about their mate is the old cliche of 'stealing the covers.' It's not a cliche, it's not funny, and it can really disrupt sleep patterns and relationships. We solved this issue long ago...we have separate sheets.
Not as intimate, you say. Bull. Feet and hands and all sorts of things can snake back and forth under the covers. Intimacy is not lost; another thing that is not lost is sleep. The separate sheets solves the restless cover-stealer and at the same takes care of any heat differences. My temperature is always in the mid 96's instead of 98.6, so I'm not as warm blooded as most of my mammalian counterparts..I have an extra quilt or blanket or whatever and she can have her thin sheet year-round.
How do sheets work? We have a queen bed...either use single sheets or cut the queen sheet in half and sew a hem into each side and you're done.
This one simple change has been wonderful for us as well as others that it has been suggested to. One person's comment was "I didn't know you could do that!" They still report having great sleep and a better marriage.
One of the biggest gripes I hear from friends about their mate is the old cliche of 'stealing the covers.' It's not a cliche, it's not funny, and it can really disrupt sleep patterns and relationships. We solved this issue long ago...we have separate sheets.
Not as intimate, you say. Bull. Feet and hands and all sorts of things can snake back and forth under the covers. Intimacy is not lost; another thing that is not lost is sleep. The separate sheets solves the restless cover-stealer and at the same takes care of any heat differences. My temperature is always in the mid 96's instead of 98.6, so I'm not as warm blooded as most of my mammalian counterparts..I have an extra quilt or blanket or whatever and she can have her thin sheet year-round.
How do sheets work? We have a queen bed...either use single sheets or cut the queen sheet in half and sew a hem into each side and you're done.
This one simple change has been wonderful for us as well as others that it has been suggested to. One person's comment was "I didn't know you could do that!" They still report having great sleep and a better marriage.
Tuesday, July 7, 2009
Let It Be
The Rolling Stones got it right..."You can't always get what you want." Nowhere is this more true than in marriage. Two different people trying to become one in some ways yet remain individuals can be a trying task, but it does not have to be.
Compromise is at the same time the easiest and the most difficult thing in the world. It can be really, really hard to sit back and keep your mouth shut about something you don't like or are not interested in. A few examples...television/remote control, long and seemingly pointless stories about work, and hobbies/sports.
What, if anything, can be done about it? One thing that helps immensely...keep your mouth shut. Everything that pops into your head does not have to be vocalized. Sometimes it is just best to bite your tongue for the sake of harmony. Remember the old "If you can't say anything nice, don't say anything at all" saying? It's true. However, I do understand that sitting through one more episode of The View or Bridezillas may not be possible, so there are other options.
Find something else to do...remove yourself from the situation and go out for a walk, work in the garden, read a book. There are a million other things you can do. If you've already heard the story...just listen one more time.
A little compromise goes a long way and it will do wonders for your relationship. A little give and take is all it takes.
Compromise is at the same time the easiest and the most difficult thing in the world. It can be really, really hard to sit back and keep your mouth shut about something you don't like or are not interested in. A few examples...television/remote control, long and seemingly pointless stories about work, and hobbies/sports.
What, if anything, can be done about it? One thing that helps immensely...keep your mouth shut. Everything that pops into your head does not have to be vocalized. Sometimes it is just best to bite your tongue for the sake of harmony. Remember the old "If you can't say anything nice, don't say anything at all" saying? It's true. However, I do understand that sitting through one more episode of The View or Bridezillas may not be possible, so there are other options.
Find something else to do...remove yourself from the situation and go out for a walk, work in the garden, read a book. There are a million other things you can do. If you've already heard the story...just listen one more time.
A little compromise goes a long way and it will do wonders for your relationship. A little give and take is all it takes.
Background... aka Why?
Marriage...it must have been at the root of Dickens mind when he penned the "best of times...worst of times..." Marriage can be one of the biggest challenges in anyone's life which is one reason why more than 50% of them end in divorce. So what can we do to live in better harmony? What techniques can be used to cope with a spouse who is being unreasonable or doing something harmful? Better yet, what can be done to increase happiness and decrease the little things that cause tension and strife? We'll see...but all in due time.
Why am I writing this blog? Well, I like to write. It falls somewhere between hobby and obsession (which would lead one to think I would be better at this typing thing by now...) Am I a counselor? No. Am I a mental health professional with years of experience helping to repair shattered lives? Again, no. But what I do have is 10 years of marriage to the same woman, a lot of smiles, my share of tears, and the desire to help others to be as happy as I am in a relationship. So there is your explanation of why...
To get the formalities finished up, throughout the course of our relationship, you can refer to me as Brian...it's what both my mother and my wife call me (unless the middle name is involved and then I'm in real trouble...)
I'd love to hear your questions and comments...please leave them and please do so frequently. I will do my best to answer them or to respond, I enjoy it. My only request is to please keep your language civilized and keep your tone somewhat sane. Simple, eh?
So, regardless if your marriage is afloat on the sea of love of high and dry on the rocks, this blog is for you. It does not matter if you've been married for 50 years or still living the single life, I hope you can find something enjoyable in the pages that will follow...
Why am I writing this blog? Well, I like to write. It falls somewhere between hobby and obsession (which would lead one to think I would be better at this typing thing by now...) Am I a counselor? No. Am I a mental health professional with years of experience helping to repair shattered lives? Again, no. But what I do have is 10 years of marriage to the same woman, a lot of smiles, my share of tears, and the desire to help others to be as happy as I am in a relationship. So there is your explanation of why...
To get the formalities finished up, throughout the course of our relationship, you can refer to me as Brian...it's what both my mother and my wife call me (unless the middle name is involved and then I'm in real trouble...)
I'd love to hear your questions and comments...please leave them and please do so frequently. I will do my best to answer them or to respond, I enjoy it. My only request is to please keep your language civilized and keep your tone somewhat sane. Simple, eh?
So, regardless if your marriage is afloat on the sea of love of high and dry on the rocks, this blog is for you. It does not matter if you've been married for 50 years or still living the single life, I hope you can find something enjoyable in the pages that will follow...
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